The Perfect Fit: Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style

Declare Your Independence!

2011-07-15T13:43:00.001-05:00

Living Well By Design's Community Partner, Stroller Strides-West County discusses the importance of "declaring your independence" the article talks about letting go of whatever is holding you back from achieving your goals. Check it out and while reading think about what is holding you back from your goals? http://bit.ly/qhZZxT

Quote Of The Week

2011-07-14T22:10:00.002-05:00

"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders." Abigail Van Buren

The Quote Of The Week

2011-06-28T19:08:00.001-05:00

“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." George Bernard Shaw

Summertime Fun

2011-06-11T15:05:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year again. It is time to get out of the house and spend some time doing outside activities. We had a very difficult winter and spring barely sprung. However, summer has been blazing its way through. There are many things that you can do as a family with your children during the summer time. A few great ways to have fun in the sun with your children include going to a miniature golf course, going rock climbing, or going camping. Please remember to be careful and beat the heat, stay hydrated and use sun block. Stay tuned for more fun summer activities.

Spring has finally sprung!

2011-05-17T20:37:00.000-05:00

Now that Spring is here, it is time for Spring cleaning. It is time to get rid of those unwanted items. Living Well by Design has the perfect solution to help rid you of those unused and unwanted dresses. Living Well by Design is hosting its third annual Savvy Chic Dress Drive. We are collecting gently used and new formal wear. We are asking for you to donate your gently used dress in an effort to sponsor a great cause. All proceeds from the dresses will benefit the Scholarship Fund of Girls In The Know, a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization, allowing mothers and their pre-teen daughters to attend the Girls In The Know Speaker Series. We are counting on your help to make this a success.

Please visit one of our drop-off locations listed below:

Missouri Collection Sites are located as follows (May 1^st-31st):

969 Gardenview Office Parkway St. Louis, MO (Sara and Suzanne’s office) / 1 Brookings Dr. St Louis, MO / 6800 Wydown Blvd. St. Louis, MO (Fontbonne University: Ryan Hall, AMC Hall, and Southwest Hall) /

Girls in the Know Speaker Series Sites:

200 Meriwether Lewis Drive O’Fallon, MO 63368 (Ostmann Elementary School) / 390 Tumulty Dr. Ballwin, MO 63021 (Sorrento Springs Elementary School) / 701 N. Rock Hill Road Rock Hill, MO 63119 ( Steger Sixth Grade Center) / 715 South Mason Road St. Louis, MO 63141 (Mason Ridge Elementary School)

ILLINOIS SITE:

102 W. 9^th Street, Ste 103 Alton, IL 62002 (Allstate Insurance Co. Grote-Fusaro Agency)

Change is Good; Change is Necessary

2011-05-14T13:33:00.000-05:00

Change is something that occurs every day. Change can be very difficult for some and very easy for others. Change is a good and positive thing because it shows growth and development. Some positive examples of change include getting rid of old clothes, obtaining a promotion on your job, and buying a new house.

Living Well by Design has been going through many positive changes. Suzanne has taken a full time School Counseling position; although she is still a partner and owner of Living Well by Design, she will no longer be writing for the Perfect Fit Parenting blog. Please extend your congratulations to Suzanne what an accomplishment! The blog will continue to be written by Sara and her graduate student interns.

The next positive change that is occurring is that Sara is accepting insurance! These are the panels that Sara is a part of: New Avenues EAP, New Avenues Behavioral Health, Midwest Behavioral Health Network, MBHN, MBHN Plus PPO, Cigna, Chestnut Global Partners EAP.

We would like to thank all of our parents and followers. Please come back and check out what’s new and coming. Stay tuned for upcoming tips and techniques to enhance your parenting skills as well as information on upcoming events with Living Well By Design and in your communities!

A New Year, A New Family

2011-01-16T23:43:00.001-06:00

Are you looking for some ways to create a better, healthier, and happier family? Come and find your perfect fit in parenting as seen on Channel 5 with Jennifer Blome. Beginning February 10th, Living Well By Design will be presenting a series of topics at Saint Charles Community College (http://stcharles.augusoft.net/index.cfm?method=ClassInfo.ClassInformation&int_class_id=2568&int_category_id=6&int_sub_category_id=21&int_catalog_id=0), The Perfect Fit: Finding your Ideal Parenting Style - Quality Time: Cooking with Your Children; Mindful Parenting; and Relating to Resistant Children.

Priceless Investment – Your children

2010-12-23T23:02:00.000-06:00

There is a priceless investment that is available to you that will be very rewarding for all involved. Many parents admit that they do not spend as much time with their children as they would like. If more individuals will take the time out of their busy schedules to spend more time with their children, it would have a very positive impact on the child’s life. The child will appreciate the quality time that their parents spend with them. This investment could lead to a more loving, happy, and healthier environment for the child. It would be something that your child passes down to his/her family.

You may wonder how you can accomplish this task. Listed below are a few tips that can help you find the time to spend quality time with your children.

1. Take time out of your busy schedule to spend time with your children. You could do this by taking a day off work and having your child assist you while in the kitchen. You could teach your child how to cook their favorite dish.

2. Find out what interest your children. You can find out what interest them by asking them and/or observing the things that they do. Attempt to schedule a family activity around their interest at least once a month.

3. Have a family fun night. This could consists of everyone picking out a book and spending time together reading their book, playing board games, picking out a movie and watching it together, and/or spending time together discussion everyone’s day.

Spending quality time with your children leads to a priceless reward.

Holiday Tips

2010-11-20T16:30:00.000-06:00

It’s That Time of the Year

Yes, it is that time of the year again. The holidays are fast approaching. Thanksgiving is only 5 days away and Christmas is only 35 days away. This time of the year is often difficult for many individuals for various reasons. It can easily stress anyone out.

Now is the time to prepare for the holiday season. Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Mentally prepare yourself for what is to come, the music, the crowds, and other joyous themes. You prepare yourself by doing some self talk. This may including saying, things such as, I know the time is coming; I must begin to get in the mood for the change of music on the radio, the long lines in every store, and the decorations that will light up the streets, malls, and everywhere else.

2. If you haven’t already, start saving money. The best begin to save your money is to pay yourself first. You do this by changing your spending habits. Instead of eating out, buying that latte or buying those shoes that you must have now, STOP and think, this is money that you could be setting aside for your holiday shopping. Go ahead and cook, make your own coffee/latte at home and WAIT to buy those shoes because the shoes that you buy know, may be on sale later. Remember the Friday after Thanksgiving. J

3. Do not worry if you cannot buy all of the things your children want, as long as you are able to supply their needs. Many children make out a list of the things that they must have. However, many children have no idea that it is their parents who have to do all of the spending. Most children will be appreciative of whatever you get them. Now is the time to teach your children the value of a dollar and to relay the importance of family and the true meaning of Christmas.

4. Remember to take time for yourself, you do not want to become drained because of the holidays. Prior to the start of all of the chaos, make sure you have some alone time, even if it is just for a few minutes. You can take your alone time anyway that you prefer. Some ideas include sitting in the car for a short period of time, watching your favorite television show, or reading a portion of a book.

These helpful techniques will assist you with designing a happier and less stressful holiday for YOU.

Have a safe and happy holiday!!

The Holiday Buldge!

2010-11-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

The Holiday's are approaching and our Community Partners, Stroller Strides discuss in their Nov issue, tackling the holiday buldge! Check them out http://bit.ly/9bMKyJ the women are all about positive choices and being proactive with your physical fitness!

Gifts

2010-11-03T21:19:00.004-05:00

"Look for the gifts in everything, especially when you are facing what appears to be a negative situation. Everything that we attract causes us to grow, which means that ultimately everything is for our own good.

Adjusting to a new path and a new direction will require new qualities and strengths, and these qualities are always exactly what we need to acquire in order to accomplish the great things ahead in our life." -Rhonda Byrne

Many times it can be hard for us to look for the positives in negative situations. However, looking for the positives can really help to change an individual's perspective on the situation at hand. Sometimes if we just attempt to look at things differently, it can do wonders in helping us overcome some of the everyday challenges.

Is Your Son Struggling?

2010-10-14T14:09:00.000-05:00

Sara has been writing for the Tutor Doctor's blog and newsletter http://www.tutordoctorstl.com/blog This month's blog entry is entitled, "Boys Are Struggling". Sara gives helpful tips on being able to easily identify if your son is struggling.

The Tutor Doctor is a wonderful resource for families in the St. Louis area. Sara continues to have an awesome Community Partner relationship with the Tutor Doctor and is thrilled to be contributing to their ongoing resources for their families!

Keep up the great work Tutor Doctor!

Fall Into Fitness-Stroller Strides

2010-10-04T13:13:00.000-05:00

"Fall Into Fitness" with our Community Partners, Stroller Strides. You must check out their awesome events happening for the Fall 2010! The members of Stroller Strides support each other by showcasing their talents/passions/occupations each newsletter! Check their newsletter out here http://bit.ly/c3kADz

Keep up the great work Stroller Strides!

Understanding Your Child's Love Language

2010-10-02T13:02:00.004-05:00

Do you know your child’s love language? Are you letting your child express his/her emotions based on how they truly feel or how you think they should feel?

These topics were covered during the Kid’s City Expo www.stlkidcity.com that took place last Saturday at the Science Center. The presentation by Living Well by Design provided a good foundation for parents to learn about their child’s love language. At the event, children were allowed to create a pumpkin and express their emotion at that time. There was one child who stated that he pumpkin was sad but her father attempted to get her to change her mind by telling her that her pumpkin was not sad. During that time, Sara decided to talk to the father to discuss with him the importance of allowing his child to express her. At the same time, the interns were talking to the child and discovered the cause of her sadness.

Again, I ask - Do you know your child’s love language? Are you letting your child express his/her emotions based on how they truly feel or how you think they should feel?

Happy Birthday Stroller Strides!

2010-09-03T15:37:00.000-05:00

Our Community Partners, Stroller Strides are having their 1st Birthday. They are growing everyday and sending the message that being fit as a mother can be fun! Help us celebrate with them and check out their newsletter, http://bit.ly/bvr0m9

Save For Your Child's Future

2010-08-23T17:07:00.001-05:00

Parents, are you saving money for your child's future? Do you find it difficult to put money in savings for your child for their future? There are many reasons for making the sacrifice and putting money to the side for your child's future. One reason being college. Many people after completing college are finding themselves overwhelmed in student loans. Maybe your child has dreams of being a business owner or wants to travel. With the money you save for them, the possibilities are endless! The article Saving for Your Child's Education provides some more tips on how you can save and why it is important!

When The Dream Isn't The Reality

2010-08-18T14:43:00.000-05:00

When the Dream Isn't the Reality:

From the time parents find out they are expecting they begin to have certain thoughts and feelings about their child and who that child might grow into. Unfortunately it's all too easy to create certain expectations for children, without thinking about them as a unique person. I dreamed of dressing my little girl in pink and ribbons and watching her dance recitals. But, my daughter is actually nothing like what I expected; she's a tomboy who loves playing outside and climbing trees, and doesn't care about wearing pink or hair bows. At first, I was disappointed by this realization, but I love my daughter and want her to become whoever it is she wants to be. The disappointment I felt is common among parents and it is important to mourn this loss of who we thought our children would become so that we can celebrate who our children really are....to read more go to the Tutor Doctor's blog at http://tutordoctorstl.com/blog/?p=84

Relating To Your Unique Child

2010-08-15T16:17:00.002-05:00

Do you have a child that has a learning disabilities, food allergies, or Autism then this workshop is for you! The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style-"Relating To Your Unique Child" will focus on all three topics.

The three hour seminar will include topics on how to identify your child's learning style for increased learning, differentiating between learning styles and disabilities, tips for allowing your anxiety to become more manageable, learning new cost effective healthy alternatives and ingredients for cooking, and mindful parenting strategies.

As a special bonus, the seminar will house four guest speakers too:
Michelle Thacker, chef/owner of Pat-A-Cake Pat-A-Cake
Rabia Rahman, RD, LD and Jenn Randazzo RD, LD founder/owners of Nourish
Tutor Doctor's Dan Morris
Suzanne Nothaus, author and creator of The Toddler Logger.

Contact Sara Hoffstot, LPC (618-741-8543) or Suzanne Rodgers, PLPC (314-369-4498) for more information or to register.

Are Your Feeling Stressed By Your Finances?

2010-08-11T11:13:00.001-05:00

Are You Feeling Stressed By Your Finances?

Today people are feeling over extended financially and this makes daily living very stressful. Although we are all feeling the stress of our financial situations, that does not stop the Homecoming and holiday season from rapidly approaching. It would be nice to get a chic dress for a reasonable price and help others in need at the same time...

Come to Savvy Chic Dress Boutique at Codi, the Boutique LLC

1066 Town and Country Drive Chesterfield, MO 63017

Sept 12th, 2010 1-4pm

*free entrance,dresses for $35!

*raffles,entertainment, snacks, guest speakers and gift bags!

*all profit will go to Girls In The Know www.girlsintheknow.org , non for profit!

if you would like to contribute monetarily to the Savvy Chic Dress Boutique, but are unable to attend, contact us and we will make that happen!

Living Well By Design are always accepting gently used and new Homecoming, Prom, and Cocktail dresses!

Punishment vs. Consequences

2010-08-04T21:07:00.003-05:00

What comes to mind when you hear the following two statements?

Consequences should enhance character and increase your child’s options. Punishment erodes self-esteem and limits your child’s character.

When I think about these two statements, it appears to me that punishment is more of a shame based approach. It’s designed to make your child feel so bad that he or she will not repeat the inappropriate behavior. However, consequences provide an opportunity for redirection. Redirection is designed to help children see all his or her options and the outcomes of his or her actions. Redirection allows parents an opportunity to re-teach their expectations to ensure that their child fully understands what is expected of them. I would love to hear your thoughts on consequences versus punishment. What has been your experience?

Helping Your Child Organize Their Life

2010-08-04T08:38:00.000-05:00

Helping your children organize their life is an important skill to teach. Organizational skills can help foster learning and independence as they grow. Children who learn the skill of organizing will have improved mental health along with having a better opportunity to become successful students http://bit.ly/bbM1pN!

Savvy Chic Dress Boutique

2010-08-03T17:55:00.003-05:00

Come to Living Well By Design's Savvy Chic Dress Boutique http://bit.ly/aAKgeH on Sept 12th 2010 from 1-4pm at Codi, The Boutique, LLC!

Entrance is Complimentary!

Raffles, Music, Guest Speakers and Complimentary Gift Bags!

Dog Days Of Summer, by Stroller Strides

2010-08-02T18:51:00.004-05:00

Our Community Partners, Stroller Strides have put out their August Newsletter http://bit.ly/azMxxb check it out!

So excited to see, Suzy Notheaus author of Toddler Logger. She created this extraordinary book after her son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. This product can be used for any child with any medical difficulties it is such a great aid to help communicate with medical practitioners and to track trends with your child.

Suzy will be our guest speaker for our upcoming seminar, The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style-"Relating To Your Unique Child", Sept 20th from 6-9pm!

Congrats Suzy on your great work and to Stroller Strides for your continued dedication to Living Well By Design, Moms, and Health!

Need Help Parenting Your Tween/Teen?

2010-07-26T11:45:00.000-05:00

Doyou need a little help with parenting your tween/teen? if so, come to the Edwardsville YMCA's summer workshop 8/3 (next tues) from 6-730pm. Only $15 (member)/family or $20 (non member)/family! Chance to win a complimentary cd on Motivation or Relaxation and also a follow up session included. All information comes from The Perfect Fit "Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style" program by Living Well By Design! Sign up now http://bit.ly/aFlun6!

This workshop will focus on assistance in finding your balance of complete autonomy and control with your tween/teen as well as providing information on technology that your tween/teen may be utilizing and learning to distinguish between safe and harmful practices with such technology. Lastly we will cover strategies and techniques when discussing sex and being proactive with your teen/tween in regard to sexual health.

Parenting in the Moment

2010-07-25T16:44:00.000-05:00

Lane Olinghouse said it best when she stated: "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."

In other words, as parents we have to plug in and look approachable if we want our children to respond to us. So many time we give orders or ask our children to do something while we are in a hurry to get out of the house or from the other room. If we are not engaged then how do we expect our children to engage in what we have to say.

Here are some tips on engaging your children:
1. Get down on their level and look them in the eye.
2. Make the request fun and engaging.
3. Start small.
4. Keep your expectations realistic.
5. Change it up.

Here are some tips to do this when things feel hectic and need to be done in a timely fashion:
1. Remember to breathe.
2. Distract yourself to help you calm down: count backwards from ten, describe to yourself different things in the room, anything to bring your frustration down so that you can deliver the request in a calm manner.
3.Self Talk: Tell yourself that it is going to be okay and this time will pass.
4. Give yourself a timeout. Walk away and give your child the time to do the request without you hovering over them or asking them to do it faster.

Good luck trying some of these tips. I would love to hear how they worked out for you or what tips you use that help you stay in the moment and engage your children successfully.

Tips for Making a Move Easier for Children

2010-07-18T22:00:00.000-05:00

The word moving is very close to my heart right now since my family will be making a big move into a new house at the end of July. For my eight year old, Brianna, this is her first big move and we wanted to try to make is as positive as possible. This is what I have learned along the way....

Tell your children about the move as soon as possible: As soon as we knew we were going to move we made Brianna aware and gave her the opportunity to talk to about the move with us and her friends. We have had the luxury of knowing for awhile that we were going to move so Brianna has had plenty of time to talk about her feelings and fears about the move. She is really looking forward to it.
Welcome your children's questions about the move: Listening to your child's questions will give you an idea of how they feel about the move and what their fears are. It is also a great way to get them involved in the move. If they want to know what is close by you can help them search the Internet for different parks, rec centers, and or restaurants close to your new home.
Be positive and upbeat about the move: Children pick up on your emotions about the move. If you are anxious then they will start to feel anxious too. As soon as we knew where her new school was going to be we went to visit so it wouldn't be so scary starting school in August. Plus, we have gone and played on the playground this summer so she can get familiar. We enrolled Brianna in summer camp by the new house so she could start to meet children she would be starting to go to school with. Since we are moving from a townhouse to a house I really talked up how it will be great for us to ride our bikes together in the neighborhood, how catching fireflies in the back yard is going to be so much fun, and how now she is going to have even more friends because she gets to keep her friends from her old school and make new ones at her new school.
Let your children know they can help with the move: This is a good time to emphasize that the move is a family event and that everyone will be a part of the planning, packing, and perhaps even choosing of the new home. Brianna got excited when we let her pick out the paint for her new room. She is also helping with the packing by deciding which items she wants to sell at the garage sale, donate, or take with her to the new house. She has really enjoyed being a part of that. We have also made the move exciting because we told her now that we have a fenced in yard we can get a dog on her half birthday in September. What is important to remember is to stay positive...our children are always watching us to see how to handle new situations or life transitions. The greatest gift we can give to our children is the gift of true honest emotions and stratagies to get through them in hard and good times.

I would love to hear your stratagies of what made your move a successful one or where the pitfalls happened in your move and how you dealt with them. We can all learn from each other.

Happy Moving!

Helping Your Child With Independence

2010-07-17T08:44:00.000-05:00

Read about our Community Partners, the Tutor Doctor, are offering in the community and also Living Well By Design's ongoing article submissions within their blog.

The article from Living Well By Design during the month of July is:

Helping Your Child Develop Independence

As a parent, helping your child gain independence is a difficult task. Parents don't want to let go, but they still want to see their child succeed in the outside world. Different stages in life from toddler to teenager allow for different levels on independence. Each child is different, but we have some suggestions as to what tasks provide different stages increasing levels of independence.

Read more at http://bit.ly/cAOI5M

2010-07-12T15:16:00.001-05:00

Parents, check out this website http://www.squidoo.com/yourbabycanreadkit for important information about how to get your baby reading before he or she enters school! A baby's brain craves stimulation, which is needed for him or her to learn. The sooner a child is exposed to language, the sooner he or she will be able to speak and recognize words. The earlier your child learns, the better he or she will preform in school!

Chat With The Counselor

2010-07-02T08:15:00.000-05:00

Come to Chat With The Counselor at the YMCA in Edwardsville, Illinois July 13 6-7pm (meyer center), it is a free chat and we will be there to brainstorm tips and techniques for parenting! http://bit.ly/aFlun6

Summer Reading!

2010-07-01T12:02:00.000-05:00

Parents, it is very important to keep your child's mind active over the summer. What better way than to encourage them to read?! Reading is an easy way to keep their minds active, their imagination flowing, and their vocabulary development soaring!

Living Well By Design Newsletter

2010-07-01T09:38:00.000-05:00

Check out our July newsletter...http://bit.ly/aYoZDP lots of great articles and upcoming events!

Happy 4th from Stroller Strides

2010-06-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

Check out our Community Partners, Stroller Strides as they send out their July Newsletter http://bit.ly/cbFL0F. What a great dedication to women and mommies...loving the intro paragraph!

Ideas to Help Keep your Child Entertained this Summer

2010-06-27T20:10:00.001-05:00

Worried about how to keep your child entertained this summer? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Play Board Games
Make crafts from things you find outside in nature or around the house
Visit a park or play ground. Feed the ducks while you are there.
Visit area museums
Visit the zoo
Join the YMCA or neighborhood pool
Create a treasure hunt
Make forts with pillows, blankets and chairs
Go camping inside
Foster your child's imagination by playing hospital, news reporter, or have a talent show
Ride bikes, scooters or skates
Organize a neighborhood kickball game
Catch Fireflies
Create a Kool-Aid Stand
Read books

Here is a short list to get you started in having a fun-filled summer. I would love to hear your feedback on one of the ideas above or if you have something that you do with your child that is not mentioned I would love to hear about that too.

When Sticker Charts, Time Outs and Spankings Do Not Work

2010-06-08T14:36:00.000-05:00

“When Time Outs, Sticker Charts, and Spankings Do Not Work”

Are you having a difficult time relating to you resistant child? We have all heard about time outs, sticker charts, and spankings. What happens when the behavioral tools do not work? We become frustrated and so do our children. At Chat With The Counselor you will learn to identify control techniques that resistant children typically use and then be able to learn tools to work with them when they are being challenging.

Come to Chat With The Counselors on Thursday June 10, 2010 from 11-noon at Starbucks 11464 Olive Blvd. St. Louis, MO. This is a time for you to chat with Living Well By Design (professional counselors) and others for FREE, no obligation. We will discuss techniques and tips to help you with your resistant child. Coffee included and your chance to win a cd!

The tips and techniques that will be given come from The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style seminars they were custom designed from a compilation of personal and professional models. We believe that no exclusive model of parenting style is the answer. Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style is a work in progress and we encourage you to custom design the style that best suits you.

Come to Chat With The Counselors on Thursday June 10, 2010 from 11-noon at Starbucks 11464 Olive Blvd. St. Louis, MO. You will be one step closer to Your Perfect Fit in Parenting!

Summer Night

2010-06-02T15:07:00.000-05:00

A summer sky and the feeling of a summer's night is magnificant in itself. Laughing, talking, catching fireflies, or just staring up in the sky; this is when memories begin. It is summertime and the importance of developing and fostering traditions and memories is important especially with our children. Summer is a time of excitement that our children anticipate though the last few months of their school year. Make the summertime special not only for them but for you too...let your children stay up a little later, lay on the grass, catch fireflies, take in the darkness and teach them to develop comfort in this feeling instead of fearing the dark, pitch a tent and stay overnight or just a few hours in the tent with them. Experience the summer at night and begin developing those memories and traditions, these memories will provide comfort for both you and your children in times of despair or may just place a small smile on their face in a time of need. Read a story about a girl, a dad and a summer sky...http://bit.ly/aoXXLL

Tell us about your summer night traditions and memories...

Community Partners-Stroller Strides

2010-05-29T07:55:00.000-05:00

Stroller Strides is one of our Community Partners they just released their newsletter for June, check it out http://bit.ly/9vZi11 they specifically are discussing the importance of health and routine even though our little munchkins are out of school. We are our children's role models for health! Continue exercising and eating right even when we are busy with graduation parties, birthday parties, bbq's, and vacations this summer!

Community Partners-Stroller Strides

2010-05-01T23:36:00.001-05:00

Check out our Community Partners-Stroller Strides May 2010 Newsletter http://bit.ly/ao2V19

Pat-A-Cake Pat-A-Cake

2010-04-18T08:14:00.001-05:00

Michelle Thacker has ben teaming up with us and making our treats for "The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style" seminars and will also be at our upcoming "Spring-a-licious" on Monday April 19th for free sampling of her goodies. Please support her and try her treats not only are they beautiful they are yummy!

Pat-A-Cake Pat-A-Cake, Cakes and Confections specializes in scratch-made dessert favorites, including cakes, cupcakes, cookies, muffins, and scones; that means no pre-packaged fillings, icings, or mixes. We offer several standard specialty cakes, along with changing seasonal favorites. We can help you plan tasty treats for anything from a business meeting or seminar to birthdays and baby showers. Chef/Decorator, Michelle Thacker, would be happy to consult with you to customize an order for you next celebration or event.

To place an order please call Michelle at 314-225-4676.

Staying Connected As Mother and Daughter

2010-04-13T16:10:00.003-05:00

Please view our "Chat With The Counselor" article in the Scoop Newspaper http://bit.ly/arUcE9. This is a FREE newspaper that is fun and innovative, check it out! The article gives great tips and techniques for Mothers and Daughters to reconnect and keep their bond strong.

Love Languages

2010-04-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

Communicating with children can often be difficult. You may find yourself second guessing your parenting approaches when it comes to communicating with your child. It comes as no surprise that we must communicate with our children to foster the parent/child relationship. Sara Hoffstot and Suzanne Rodgers will be hosting Spring-A-Licious, a seminar dedicated to understanding your child's love language and the important of parent/child communication.

According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, every individual gives and receives emotional love in different ways. Individuals communicate love through five distinct love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts and acts of service. Your child is no exception to this rule. There is a special love relationship that is formed between parent and child and this relationship is continuously changing as our children go through their developmental stages. As a parent, it is important to ask yourself, "What motivates my child?," and "What makes them feel loved?"

Taking the time to spend "quality time" with your child is an important aspect of communication. Children will feel reluctant to speak with you about what is going on in their life if the lines of communication are closed off. All children are not the same, so what may work with one parent, may not work for another. Pay attention to your child's behavior when you are speaking with them, their behavior may be the best predictor whether or not the conversation is headed south.

For more information on learning your child's love language, sign up for Spring-A-Licious, the seminar will focus on spending quality time with your children, cooking spring time treats, and eating delicious food. Children will be making a stepping stone and a treat to take home. The seminar is on April 19, 2010 from 6:30-8 p.m. For more information, please contact Sara Hoffstot at 618-741-8543, or Suzanne Rodgers at 314-369-4498. Sign up now, limited space available!

April Newsletter

2010-04-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

Check out our April Newsletter http://bit.ly/cvaRUX

Spring-A-Licious

2010-03-31T19:46:00.002-05:00

Spring-A-Licious

Monday April 19, 2010 from 6:30pm - 8:00pm

Living Well By Design

11135 Olive Blvd.

St. Louis, Missouri 63141

Due to the wonderful response at Halloween Time and our Boo-tastic we decided to do a spin off, Spring-A-Licious and focus on Springtime treats! Please enjoy the pictures below we had a blast!

Whether you love to cook, hate to cook, don't know how to cook, or just don't have time to cook, you'll enjoy....quick and easy Springtime treats, eating delicious food and spending Quality Time with your kids, and a relaxing and fun presentation with your friends and family.

Guest Speaker: Willie Nation from Pampered Chef

Sara and Suzanne, professional counselors, will talk about learning about your child's Love Language and utilizing the language to enhance your bond.

*Children will make a craft (stepping stone) and a treat and take it home*

If interested in this event you can contact Sara Hoffstot 618-741-8543/ sarahoffstot@yahoo.com Suzanne Rodgers 314-369-4498/suzannecounselor@yahoo.com

Fee: $45.00/per person and children are free

Vendor Of The Month

2010-03-31T16:36:00.000-05:00

Stroller Strides is a great organization for moms and children and is one of the largest in the U.S. We have teamed up with Stroller Strides and their moms over the past year and we want to thank them for their relationship with us. They were gracious to showcase Living Well By Design as their vendor of the month for April 2010. Sign up now for their newsletters and consider joining this awesome group! A great way to meet other moms and the exercise is the bonus!
https://app.e2ma.net/app/view:CampaignPublic/id:1402902.6632844775/rid:40812cf8dd24b9189e59bc7264f9c8ff

Generation Y and Technology

2010-03-21T14:36:00.000-05:00

I dont know about you but all the generation names confuse me, let alone knowing what they are "known" for. I am comfortable with "veterans, baby boomers, and generation X (mine by the way)" but i honestly did not know the name of any others. As I read this article, I thought it was important information for everyone to have an understanding of the basic trademarks of these generational traits. After I read the article I felt that the generational characteristics are much like personality traits, which I spend a great deal of time helping others understand. I believe if we add the knowledge to what we know already, maybe we will be another step closer in relating to others better.

The article I am speaking of is focusing on "Generation Y" people born 1979-2003 and their ease with specifically technology. The article discusses an example of a "Generation Y" worker and how they conduct their business. This information is good to know and recognize not only in a business environment but a social one too.

We have an upcoming seminar March 29th entitled The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style "Relating to Your Tween/Teen" from 6-9pm we are focusing on technology and its effects. We will have several guest speakers and one of whom will be:

Denise Pellow an entrepreneur, internet safety speaker, advocate, educator, and Author of The Five Dangerous Trends Concerning Kids, Technology and the Internet!

Sign up for the seminar only one week away at sarahoffstot@yahoo.com or 618-741-8543 for more information on the generations please view http://bit.ly/9ZMX1K

"Save Time and Find Your Ideal Parenting Style"

2010-03-17T20:23:00.006-05:00

We are writing articles in a column entitled "Chat With The Counselors" twice a month for The Scoop Newspaper! This week honoring Daylight Saving Time, the article is entitled "Save Time and Find Your Ideal Parenting Style"! This newspaper is fun and innovative, check it out http://www.thescoopnewspaper.com/story/chat-counselors03152010

How many of you will begin reading The Scoop Newspaper now?

Sexting?

2010-03-10T08:35:00.001-06:00

Sexting? Most are familiar with the scandalous story of Tiger Woods and his "sexcapades". However, do you know how prevalent sexting is with also tweens and teens today? Do you know how sexting works and the implications of sending sexually explicit messages? Ever considered talking to your teen/teens about this growing epidemic?

For more answers and questions about sexting and other related tween/teen topics come to The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style "Relating To Your Tween/Teen" on March 29th from 6-9pm. Contact me now, space is limited!

We will have a ton of guest speakers including: Denise Pellow an entrepreneur, internet safety speaker, advocate, educator, and Author of The Five Dangerous Trends Concerning Kids, Technology and the Internet!

For more information on sexting http://bit.ly/azPDPC

How Much Is Too Much?

2010-03-07T09:28:00.000-06:00

When watching the movie UP, the movie focused around a boy and his life adventures and desires as we watched his life unfold. It was obvious to an adult audience that the elderly man lost his wife to sickness, as she was seen in the hospital bed and then references of her not being there were made in a discreet manner.

The movie focus was not on death and dying, however how much information is too much for children when the subject is death and dying? Let me know you thoughts...

Communicate Your Children's Love Language

2010-02-28T08:21:00.000-06:00

No matter what the age of your child (young, tween/teen, young adult, or adult) a way to communicate more effectively with them it is important to find out their love language and communicate the language in the manner that is familiar to them. If we communicate in our love language instead of theirs there will be a lot of misconceptions, tantrums, feelings of resentment. The Five Love Languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Acts Of Service. For more information on the Five Love Languages please go to http://bit.ly/avQ961

Do you know what your child's Love Language Is?

Shabby Chic Dress Boutique

2010-01-05T16:22:00.000-06:00

SHABBY CHIC DRESS BOUTIQUE!

11135 OLIVE BLVD., ST. LOUIS, MO. 63141

February 6th (SAT) 2010 (NOON-3PM)

DRESSES INCLUDE (COCKTAIL, PROM, HOMECOMING AND WEDDING):

•All entering the Shabby, Chic, Dress Boutique, must contribute a $35 non-refundable donation, all

donations are tax exempt!

•Entry includes a free dress (additional dresses are$25/piece), over 200 dresses!

•Accepting cash and charge only!

*All net profit will be going to Make-A-Wish Foundation® of Missouri!*

*PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED FLYERS SENT TO YOU TO DISTRIBUTE*

Boy's Use of Gardasil Is Approved

2009-12-26T08:19:00.001-06:00

The vaccine Gardasil won regulators' approval for use in males, setting the stage for a debate over whether boys should routinely receive an inoculation used to prevent cervical cancer in women. The Food and Drug Administration found Gardasil, which has been approved for use in females since 2006, to be safe and effective in protecting males from genital warts. (The Wall Street Journal, 10/17/2009)

For more information on sexual health for teens please go to Teen Pregnancy & Prevention Partnership of Missouri http://www.teenpregnancy-stl.org/

Reality Check!

2009-12-21T20:18:00.001-06:00

Reality Check!

It is Christmas time and everyone is struggling financially. Do the kids and your expectations match up? Are you struggling to make ends meet, but then indulging financially during the holiday season? It is time to have a reality check with yourself and your children. A reality check can be accomplished through a very simple act of holding a family meeting. Before your meeting, it is always important to gage your child’s understanding and development to be able to get your point across effectively. Here are some tips for your reality check meeting with your children and to make certain you match their developmental stages and ages.

If your child is in…

Grade School-Keeping the conversation short and sweet, as their attention span will not hold with a lengthy conversation. Focus your attention on the “list” that they are making and explain that even though they are making a list they might not get everything on the list. Teaching the kids to prioritize, listing their top three wants is a great life lesson. Also, engaging in a type of philanthropic cause to begin teaching empathy will begin to turn these little guys into empathetic adults.

Teens/Tweens-Focus the attention of the meeting on complete honesty with the family’s financial situation. Allowing the teen to be able to “step into their parents shoes” by taking a look at a realistic budget. Have a brainstorming meeting on how to be frugal with money and presents. Teens and Tweens need to begin learning how to budget and make choices with money, it will not be long when they may be out on their own at college attempting money management, practicing along the way will make their lives a lot easier later in life. In addition, engaging in a type of philanthropic cause to follow through with empathetic appreciation.

College/Adult Children-Again, focusing the attention of the meeting on complete honesty with the family’s financial situation. Make suggestions of new holiday traditions that they can help create such as: exchanging white elephant gifts, playing rob your neighbor, buying only for small children, having a cookie exchange, and volunteering as a family together. Lastly, engaging in a type of philanthropic cause to promote the true meaning of Christmas, it is better to give than receive; at this point in their lives they will understand this concept.

Providing a reality check for you and your family will be the best gift of all to give them this holiday season. Being open, honest, and engaging with your children will provide a sense of unity, stability, and grace!

Happy Holidays!

Bullying and the "Wolfpack"

2009-12-04T15:47:00.000-06:00

Just Kids Being Kids? Links Between Bullying and Suicide We can't say, empirically, that bullying causes suicide.

I often have several stories of suicide running through my head. I read about suicide and suicide prevention daily and write about it at least once a week, so it's ever-present. I don't often get dragged down by these stories; I keep them in my head to stay focused and remind myself why I do the work of suicide prevention. But, lately, I have been replaying in my head the stories of young adolescents who have died by suicide, trying to understand what might have been done differently to prevent their deaths.

One story is that of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, whose mother was recently featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Carl was 11 years old when he ended his life in Springfield, Massachusetts, after he was bullied daily in school with anti-gay comments. Carl did not identify as gay, so being gay in and of itself was not what put him at risk for suicide. But, even though he did not identify as gay, he came to share the shame and isolation gay youth report. Others have said that they have tried to imagine the depths of hopelessness about his situation that Carl had felt that would have driven him to this decision.

We can't say, empirically, that bullying causes suicide. That fact is what has made me hesitant to write about bullying and suicide prevention. But, Carl's story is one that compels me to do something, to say something.

Another is the story of Ryan Patrick Halligan, who was bullied in person by schoolmates for years and online by the same youth for months before he ended his life at 13 years old.

Ryan's father John writes about bullying: "We had the conventional adult belief that this was just kids being kids, a part of growing up ... that encountering mean kids in middle school was just inevitable."

Mr. Halligan writes so eloquently about the cause of his son's death that I've chosen to include a piece of what he writes on his website here: "I want to be very clear. I don't blame Ryan's suicide on one single person or one single event. In the end, Ryan was suffering from depression. This is a form of mental illness that is brought on by biological and/or environmental factors. In Ryan's case, I feel it was the ‘pile on effect' of the environmental issues mentioned above that stemmed from his middle school life."

Just the same, Mr. Halligan writes, "we have no doubt that bullying and cyber bullying were significant environmental factors that triggered Ryan's depression."

How can these stories serve as a springboard for us, to move us forward as we try to tease out the environmental and psychological factors that influence some people to think about suicide?

taken from Psychology Today-May 11, 2009, Depression

Enroll your teen/tween boy in our "Wolfpack" and all boys group, one of the topics that will be covered will be "Bullying":

January 18th 2010- “Survival Of The Fittest”

Pack Leader-Rich Rodgers, Mechanic

•Practicing effective strategies for dealing with bullying situations

WOLFPACK

2009-11-21T20:56:00.000-06:00

As I examine our teen/tween boys that are currently in the middle school and high school, I see the following similarities: a lack of a consistent positive role model, a constant struggle with fitting in with their peers, and few friends. As parents, we tend to ask a lot of questions at this age in development. I find it most beneficial to pay more attention to your teen/tweens behaviors more than what they are saying, focusing on sudden changes in personality. In this case, actions “speak louder than words”. Sudden changes in personality could look like…for a shy boy, interest in a new sport that would be out of their character (boxing, wrestling) or an outgoing boy, wanting to change schools. Developmentally, erratic behaviors are often present, but paying attention to your child’s personality and the sudden changes will help you rule out normal developmental changes. You’re the parent, you are the expert on your child, but if you need assistant with interpreting what is normal developmentally and what is not, please contact us and we can help!

“Wolfpack” is an all boys (middle/high school) group. The group allows a sense of belonging with other boys, provides techniques and skills geared specifically to boys, includes parent instruction, and provides positive male role models as “pack leaders”. The “Wolfpack” begins in December 2009 and will occur once a month from 630-8pm. For more information and registration contact us, limited space available!

Daily Reflection

2009-11-15T08:22:00.002-06:00

"There is…nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people."
H.R. Schaffer

Bullying

2009-11-12T18:32:00.000-06:00

BULLYING AND ITS DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS

The St. Louis Metropolitan area recently came into the spotlight following a terrible bullying incident that occurred in Belleville, Ill., when two teens beat another teen student on the bus. As a result, this topic was fervently discussed among administrators, students, families and national media, all in a quest to determine how and why this incident happened.

Locally, radio stations KMOX-AM and Y98 FM turned to teen expert Russell Hyken for his expertise on the subject of bullying. Some of his recommendations include:

•Parents should have a conversation with their kids about what to do in a bullying situation.

•Recommend to your kids that they sit with friends if they feel threatened because there is always safety in numbers.

•Always document any problems that your kids report to you so the school has record and can address the problem accordingly.

•Encourage your kids not to be afraid to talk to you about a bully. Reassure them that you are there to help resolve the problem.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Just encountering a "bullying" situation personally and professionally with my kids that I work with and at home, I thought this article to be fitting. I believe it is important to add that one should "listen and watch" more than you talk, when believing there is a bullying situation arising with your child. Is your child not wanting to go to school anymore, talking about not having friends or playing by theirself, wanting to "change" schools, or pleading to participate in sports that were not an interest before (ex. boxing). Observing behaviors or personality characteristics that are different from the norm will give you a ton of insight without having to outwardly ask questions. Remembering that being "bullied" can be an uncomfortable/embarrassing/shameful situation to discuss, although important to ensure safety with your child earn their trust by treating them with respect when approaching this situation, the more facts you have ahead of time, the less you will have to ask and make it personal and it can be more about techniques and tips.

Empathy in Children

2009-10-25T20:05:00.000-05:00

Sesame Street publishes a wonderful article on how learning to identify with the feelings of others is a skill...

samestreet.org/parents/topics/getalong/getalong02

Daily Reflection

2009-10-20T20:26:00.002-05:00

There is an ancient proverb that states, 'Look not where you fell, but where you slipped.' As a parent, look not at your child's behavior, but look at what triggering event caused the behavior.

St. Louis Ranked 6th

2009-10-11T15:51:00.000-05:00

St. Louis is ranked 6th worst teen pregnancy rate out of the 73 cities...

http://www.childtrends.org/Files//Child_Trends-2009_08_31_FG_Edition.pdf

10 Tips for Raising Kids Who Care

2009-10-04T19:50:00.001-05:00

Ten Tips for Raising Kids Who Care

By Richard Weissbourd

Created Apr 15 2009 - 6:50am

Almost all parents want their children to be good people and to be happy. But many parents today are intensely focused on their children's happiness and self-esteem and many parents, research indicates, believe that happiness and self-esteem are a foundation for morality, that "feeling good" will lead to "doing good." Yet self-esteem does not lead to caring and responsibility for others-- greedy corporate executives and gang leaders can have high self-esteem.

Here are some tips both for shifting the balance from a "self-esteem and happiness focused" parenting approach toward caring and responsibility as well as for developing key social and emotional capacities in children that are a foundation for both morality and a lasting well-being.

1. Instead of telling your children, "The most important thing is that you are happy," tell them, "The most important thing is that you are kind, and that you are responsible for others."

2. Help your children appreciate others. For instance:

* Don't let them treat a store clerk, waitress, or babysitters as if invisible.

* Don't let your child quit a sports team or school chorus without thinking carefully with them about what it means for the group.

* Don't let your child simply write off friends he or she finds annoying, or fail to return phone calls from friends or to give other children credit for their achievements.

* Expect your child to help around the house, and to be helpful to neighbors.

3. Expect your children to appreciate you-their relationship with you will be a primary model for their other relationships. That doesn't mean making yourself the focus. It means not allowing your children to treat you as a doormat, and expecting them to express some modicum of interest about major events in your life and to thank you for your generosity.

4. Don't focus directly and narrowly on developing your child's happiness and self-esteem. Instead, support your child's developing maturity. Maturity, including the ability to manage destructive feelings, to balance and coordinate our needs with others, to empathize, to receive feedback constructively, to be reflective, and to adjust our behavior, is at the heart of both morality and lasting well-being.

5. While it's important to help children understand and articulate their feelings, be wary of pointing out children's feelings too frequently or drawing a lot of attention to passing emotional states. Doing these things can cause children to dramatize their feelings, and to make their own feelings too precious.

6. Praise your children for specific accomplishments and occasionally tell them how great they are. But avoid constant praising. When children are praised all the time, they can feel judged all the time. Children may feel patronized by unearned praise. And too much global praise-constantly saying "You're terrific"-can make children feel that their essential value is on the line in everything they do, causing them to inflate their importance, taking either too much credit or too much blame.

7. Don't make high achievement the goal of a life. Too much achievement pressure can diminish children's sense of self, make them less able to care for others, and more likely to experience others primarily as competitors and threats. Make achievement one theme in the large composition of a life. Sort out your own feelings about achievement and status so you don't send mixed messages or appear hypocritical to children, undermining your authority.

8. Help your child register kindness and unkindness, justice and injustice in the world. Listen carefully, without quickly judging, to your child's moral questions and dilemmas. Express your own values, and connect them to your child's experiences and interpretations.

9. Don't seek to be your child's friend. You can be very close to your child in many ways, but it's vital that children experience you as an authority, that they idealize you at certain points in their development and see you as someone they want to emulate. Children come to appreciate others as independent and distinct when we appreciate them as distinct.

10. Invite people you are close to and respect to give you feedback about your parenting. When your first child is born, develop a contract with at least two other parents, a promise that they will tell you if they think you are harming your child's moral or emotional development in any way.

Richard Weissbourd is a lecturer in education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and the author of The Parents We Mean To Be, How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development

What My Family Learned From Chopped

2009-09-30T17:15:00.000-05:00

Happiness and Television: What My Family Learned from "Chopped"

By Sonja Lyubomirsky
Created Sep 28 2009 - 10:03pm

A recent University of Maryland study found a whopping correlation between television watching and well-being: Happy people reported spending more than 30% less time watching TV per day than their less happy peers.

A case of confirming the obvious? I am not so sure.

Since 1985, I have mostly hated and disdained TV. I would tune in to the occasional show with my husband or friends, or make exceptions for special cases like the Oscars or coverage of 9-11. But otherwise, TV watching held painful associations for me - garnered as a teen-ager - with not having a life. One time in college, I read parts of my 9th grade diary out loud to my suite-mates, and we laughed hysterically over the fact that 95% of the entries were focused on some exciting plot twist on The Love Boat or the progress of my crush on Three's Company's John Ritter. (Where was mention of school or family or friends - the factors found to be most strongly associated with happiness?)

So, although I don't feel judgmental about other people enjoying TV - especially these days when it is said that TV writing is far superior to film - I rarely deign to watch myself.

So, imagine my husband's alarm on finding me squeezed between our two kids in front of our flat screen TV (the same one whose purchase I resisted adamantly) watching one cooking show after another. We were delaying dinner, procrastinating on homework, and even shorting sleep. We became obsessed with what Brian Boitano would make, who would be knighted on Iron Chef, which judge on Chopped could top the nasty comment made the week before, who would be ordered to pack their knives on Top Chef, and what local restaurants would be featured in The Best Thing I Ever Ate. (A couple of weeks ago, my husband brought the kids to LA's Grand Central Market for pupusas, then to Joan's on Third for coconut cupcakes, both featured on the show).

Most days my husband was not happy with this development, and several noisy "debates" took place between my Food Network-possessed children and his desire for a timely and peaceful dinnertime. However, a funny thing happened on the way through the cooking show obsession. What we were seeing on the screen began trickling into our kitchen. The kids suddenly perked up during our weekly visits to the local farmers' market, insisting on checking out exotic fruits and vegetables and, even better, buying, preparing, and eating them. (On our last trip, one selected a Lebanese cucumber resembling a snake and the other chose a purple tomato and lemon parsley.)

Therein were planted the seeds for the "Cooking Challenge" phase in our family life. Most nights, our children beg us to stage messy and elaborate food challenges - just like the ones featured on their favorite show Chopped. Once or twice a week, we humor them and select one or two "secret ingredients," which are revealed with as much fanfare as can be generated by lifting a dish towel from a bowl. Last night, the secret ingredients were fennel and pine nuts. Last week, we waged Battle Baguette and before that Battle Potato & Mozzarella Cheese, Battle Brown Sugar, and the unforgettable Battle Apple.

The kids then proceed to create a main dish (which, to our shock and occasional dismay, they actually eat for dinner) from those secret ingredients and random victuals in the pantry and fridge. They do 95% of the chopping and cooking themselves, though we are there to help or give pointers (e.g., pouring boiling water, demonstrating how to separate eggs, completing a protracted chopping task before digits are severed, etc.). After the dishes are finished and plated, we morph into judges, tasting and scoring for presentation (5 points), creativity (5 points), and taste (10 points).

The results - in all three categories - have been stunning. For Battle Baguette, my 10-year old Arpege (she insisted that I use her middle name -- that of a 3-star Parisian restaurant -- so her burgeoning interest in haute cuisine may have been predestined) made French onion soup with caramelized onions and fresh herbs; she then cut out an elliptical hole in the French baguette, poured the soup into it, and melted a piece of Havarti cheese on top. It was delicious. My 8-year old Alexander used the baguette to create a tasty grilled cheese sandwich, with two kinds of cheese, potatoes, grilled onions, and bacon. (Arpege won that round, but it was close.)

What are they learning? How do I count the ways? Fine motor skills from chopping garlic. Multi-tasking from sautéing vegetables in olive oil. (Case in point is their startling realization that you can't just leave a saucepan unattended; this skill requires the need to overcome any tendencies for ADD.) They've honed their organization and math skills, practiced quick thinking, and stretched to develop some original ideas. Our daily conversations are now vocabulary-enhanced, and sprinkled with terms like chimichurri, bok choy, chocolate mole, and poached peaches. And, best of all, my kids are actually eating and enjoying copious vegetables and a variety of other healthful and exotic foods.

Thank you television. Even without the late John Ritter, you have made me and my family happy and healthy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/33346
__________________________________________________________________________

This is exactly what Suzanne and I are promoting...including your children in "fun, innovative, activities" to increase your bond. Sign up for Boo-tastic-Quality Time Cooking With Your Children on 10/8 from 630-8pm, slots are filling up last day to register is 10/7 (tuesday)!

BOO-TASTIC "Quality Time Cooking With Your Children"

2009-09-16T21:32:00.000-05:00

BOO-TASTIC “QUALITY TIME COOKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN”

October 8th, 2009 630-8pm $45/per person *children are free*

LEARNING ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE AND UTILIZING THE LANGUAGE TO ENHANCE YOUR BOND

Guest Speaker-Willie Nation from Pampered Chef

Whether you love to cook, hate to cook, don’t know how to cook, or just don’t have time to cook, you’ll enjoy…quick and easy Halloween treats, eating delicious food and spending Quality Time with your kids, and a relaxing and fun presentation with your friends and family *children will make a creation and take it home*

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
sarahoffstot@yahoo.com/618-741-8543 suzannecounselor@yahoo.com/314-369-4498

11135 Olive Blvd., St. Louis, MO 63141
www.sarakhoffstot.com/perfectfitparenting.blogspot.com

Post-It Affirmations Sweeping the Nation

2009-09-15T13:55:00.002-05:00

Post-It Affirmations Sweeping the Nation Thanks to Relate and Operation Beautiful

SAINT LOUIS, MO 9/09: Relate magazine and Operation Beautiful kicked off the month with the ultimate goal: to remind girls and women that they are beautiful just the way they are and to stay true to themselves. With this goal, Relate and Operation Beautiful invite girls and women around the country to join in this amazing declaration. The task is simple: write an encouraging note on a post-it and place it in a public setting where someone is sure to see it. The hope is to make someone’s day and inspire them to pay it forward-place a new note in another spot.

The partnership between Relate and Operation Beautiful lasts until December 31, 2009. The ultimate achievement is to post 500,000 notes around the country and continue to inspire others to embrace their beauty and stay true to them.

If you are interested in posting a note, go to Relatemag.com/faith/inspire and read more details or become a Relate Magazine friend on Facebook to upload photos automatically.

About Relate:
Relate is dedicated to increasing young girls’ self esteem, promoting self-confidence, and making girls feel beautiful for being themselves. Their mission is to inspire teen girls to pursue their dreams with confidence and to teach them to be an example for others in their speech, life, love, faith and purity.

Mary Bowman, the owner of Relate magazine, saw the struggles that teen girls faced and wanted to make a difference. She started Relate as a way to reach girls and bring them a positive message. With a focus on real teens making a difference and following their dreams, Relate has a unique voice and has become the only value-conscious, trendy teen magazine for St. Louis teens.

About Operation Beautiful:
Operation Beautiful’s overall mission is to “End the Fat Talk” and realize you are beautiful just the way you are. It also acknowledges the negative impact “Fat Talk” has on an individual; it hurts emotionally, physically and spiritually. Through random acts of kindness, writing motivating notes, Caitlin (founder of Operation Beautiful) hopes to serve as an inspiration to those who read her notes-by accepting the beautiful message and paying it forward.

-- Kind Regards,Ann SchroederDirector of Marketing & Public RelationsRelate Magazine

*please support this cause, Relate Magazine is a powerful, encouraging publication that is trying to make a difference in womens lives and is supporting our upcoming dress drive for Make-A-Wish Foundation*

Imaginary Friends: Any in Your House?

2009-09-13T15:54:00.000-05:00

Imaginary Friends: Any in Your House?
By Susan Newman, Ph.D.
Created Jun 19 2008 - 9:45am

"Wait," my brother shouts to my mother in his most determined voice, "George is way behind." She stops to let George catch up. On other occasions, my brother insists George be pushed on a swing or a cookie be saved for George. George, my older brother's imaginary pal, trailed him everywhere for a significant period of time. Months? Years? No one in the family can recall George's precise lifespan.
George immediately came to mind when reading a review of Marie Brenner's memoir, "Apples and Oranges: My Brother and Me, Lost and Found." What got my attention was not the palpable, lifelong conflict between Brenner and her brother but the introductory comments in Jennie Yabroff's review:
"By the time you are 11 years old, you spend one third of your time with your siblings, more than you spend with your parents, friends-or alone. (Unless you're an only-child, in which case you spend most of your time with your imaginary friends.)"
The implication of Yabroff's remark feeds the myth: Singletons have more fantasy friends than their peers with siblings and spend more time with them. Both points are unsubstantiated.
Marjorie Taylor, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon and author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them found that 65 percent of all children have make-believe friends at some point in their young lives. Taylor's study looked at children in preschool through age seven. She explodes the stereotypical view: "It is not solely children who are firstborns or who have no siblings who create imaginary companions, and the appearance of an imaginary companion in the lives of these children is not necessarily a sign of loneliness or psychological distress."
For some children, imaginary friends assist in a child's coping with a life change or acquiring a new skill. For others, their pretend friends or creatures are simply fun. Whatever purpose they serve and whatever form they take, fantasy friends indicate a fertile imagination that is as likely to belong to a child with as to one without siblings.
Based on his study of creative play in preschoolers, Yale professor emeritus of psychology Jerome Singer with research scientist Dorothy Singer wrote, The House of Make-Believe: Children's Play and the Developing Imagination. The authors confirm that the imagination required to create make-believe friends "is not the exclusive property of the ‘only' child, the isolated, the ill, or the handicapped." Children with make-believe friends tend to be more imaginative, have richer vocabularies, and are better able to entertain themselves. Singer also discovered that children with imaginary friends get along better with classmates.
These newer discoveries run counter to what Dr. Spock advised in the 1940s and into the 1970s. He claimed that children who created companions needed more time with other children or help in getting along with them. As the research mounts, the theory that only children have invisible friends to compensate for their loneliness has little credence.
In fact, Taylor points out that parents may recognize the presence of imaginary friends after the birth of a second child, generally a period in which the first or other children in the family receive less parental time. Take George. He "arrived" shortly after I did.

Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/1066

How To Raise A Funny Child

2009-09-05T08:05:00.004-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/nc25ja

Daily Reflection

2009-08-30T08:48:00.001-05:00

Whenever you are at a loss as to what to do or how to respond to your child, ask yourself, 'What can I do at this very moment to strengthen my relationship with my child?'

Parents More Influential Than You May Think

2009-08-26T15:03:00.002-05:00

A 2009 Survey of Adults and Teenson Parental Influence, Abstinence, Contraception,and the Increase in the Teen Birth Rate This new public opinion survey from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy provides some guidance on what might help to reverse the recent increase in the teen birth rate. Results from the nationally-representative survey make clear that when it comes to teens' decisions about sex, parents are more influential than they think.

For the complete survery go to...

http://www.teenpregnancy-stl.org/news/pdf/TPPP%20Quick%20Update%20August%202009.pdf

The First Day Of Kindergarten

2009-08-18T08:53:00.003-05:00

I gave you a little wink and a smile as you entered my room today. For I know your child must stay. You've been with him for five years now and have been a loving guide, but now, alas the time has come to leave him at my side. Just know that as you drive away and tears down your cheeks may flow I'll love him as I would my own and help him learn and grow. For as a parent, I too know how quickly the years do pass and the one day soon it will be my turn to take my child to class. So please put your mind at ease and cry those tears no more. For I will love him and take him in when you leave him at my door.

*this was shared by a friend of mine Amber Goodwin, whose child is going to Kindergarten for the first time*

Teens Dressing Too Sexy

2009-08-12T08:12:00.003-05:00

TEENS DRESSING TOO SEXY...

Q. My teenage daughter dresses in clothes that make her look too mature and, I am embarrassed to say, a little too sexy. What do I do?

A. Before the school year ended, I had the opportunity to attend a high school prom. While some girls were dressed in traditional taffeta, many girls wore sleek, stylish and, yes, sexy dresses. Unfortunately, these adolescents looked mature beyond their years. These intelligent teens were able to push the limits of the school's sensible dress code with heels that were too high, dresses that were too tight and makeup that was too sophisticated. Today's teens live in a fast-paced society and receive mixed media messages regarding acceptable attire. Yes, one can find appropriately dressed girls on the Disney channel, but these young starlets and their ultra-thin model friends are frequently photographed in skin-tight and skin-baring clothes as they attend Hollywood red carpet events. Today's parent may find it truly difficult to influence their adolescent's attire. No matter how your daughter dresses, a conversation about clothing trends is a great way to bond. Talk about the latest fashions and what was popular in your teenage years. Get out your senior yearbook and show off the styles of your youth - no matter how embarrassing. End the conversation on a positive note and reflect upon what you have learned before approaching the more serious subject of clothing that is too sexy. Clothing is often the way in which a teen will identify with peers. In fact, most teen girls dress to be part of the group and not to attract the attention of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, appearances project preconceived notions. Many, especially teen boys, will judge a book by its cover. Have your teenager look in the mirror and ask what her style says about her personality. Talk about how one can look fresh and hip without being overly provocative. If you run into resistance despite your sensible approach, remember that you are the parent. It is okay to "forbid" your daughter from wearing certain clothes. This conversation can, however, be accomplished in a positive "fashion." Let your teen know it is OK to disagree but also work toward finding an acceptable middle ground. Then, engage in some retail therapy and go shopping!!Have your daughter try on lots of clothes and assist with choosing appropriate styles. If a top shows too much skin, suggest your trendy teen layer her outfit. If a dress is too short, ask your daughter to try it on with leggings or jeans. Be creative, have lunch and buy her at least one new outfit. This shows your commitment to promoting a positive image. Fashion has replaced sensibility, and young girls are exposed to trendy, style-setting celebrities long before they hit the teenage years. It is truly difficult for today's parents to educate their impressionable daughters in today's multimedia environment. Voice your concerns but also listen before taking action.

*This was a question and answer taken from a professional in the counseling field...thought it was interesting expecially because he mentions taking a look at the childs personality and rarely do we hear/see that aspect. Personality piece is very important and support mine and Suzannes theory of The Pefect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style Program.*

HOW TO LOVE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR

2009-08-01T08:00:00.003-05:00

How to Love Your High School Senior
BY Tim, Jordan, MD, Behavioral Pediatrician

I’ve seen a number of 18- to 20-year-olds in my counseling practice recently, with the primary issue being fighting and power struggles with parents. There seems to be an upsurge of conflict the second semester of senior year, the summer before going off to college, and also when they return for the summer break following their first year of college. Let's explore what’s going on and what parents can do about it.

First of all, second-semester seniors and their parents are experiencing an emotional upheaval. Teens, on the one hand, can't wait to get the heck "out of Dodge," but on the other hand, they are grieving the loss of friends and family. Parents feel just about the same way. Teens also have fears about the unknown: They'll soon be faced with having to make new friends, living away from home, making career choices and creating a new support network.The problem lies not in everyone having these mixed emotions, but in that no one is expressing them. One of my favorite maxims is that "what is unexpressed becomes unmanageable!" Parents and teens tend to rattle and bark at each other when what they are really feeling is sad and worried as they undergo a normal grieving process.Thus one solution is for everyone to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk, where parents and teenagers can express their real feelings, not just the anger that's covering up these feelings. Let each other know that you're already missing each other and have worries and concerns about how it's all going to work out. Connecting at that level will bring closeness and understanding vs. acting out and conflict.Another issue that needs to be brought to the surface is that parents need to shift how they relate to and support their young adults.

Starting in middle school and high school, there should be a gradual shift, with parents becoming more of an advisor vs. a disciplinarian. By the time kids are 18 years old, they want to be able to sit and converse with parents at more of a peer-to-peer level vs. a top-down level.I saw a father-daughter pair in my office last year because the 19-year-old girl had returned from college with pink stripes in her hair and the dad flipped out. He felt she had colored her hair as a way to rebel against him and it really pushed his buttons. I helped him understand that it wasn't about him; it was just an expression of her newfound freedom. He was still seeing her as a rebellious 15-year-old. She’d grown out of that stage, but her dad hadn't stopped seeing her that way.

Finally, teens need to respectfully teach their parents how to support them as young adults. It will look a lot different than the walking-them-to-the-bus-stop days. Parents and teens can let each other know what their needs are as far as having enough time to stay connected, the specific ways teens want parents to support them with the college process, etc.

Each of your children will probably want to be supported differently because they and their needs are different.My old mentor, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, wrote and spoke about touch points: times in a child's life when, just before a big leap in development, kids fall apart and seem out of sorts as they gather the energy needed to accomplish their next stage. The senior year is another of those touch points. But unlike tantruming 2-year-olds, teens and parents have the ability to sit down and share what they are feeling and what they need. Use this touch point to raise your relationship to a new, higher level that will feel more fulfilling and connected.

Daily Reflection

2009-07-30T08:30:00.002-05:00

"Change the course of your parenting today and change the course of your family history for generations to come."

Start by attending our seminar tonight The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style "Relating To Resistant Children" from 6-9pm!

Autistic Kids and Thomas the Tank Engine

2009-07-20T19:06:00.002-05:00

Many children with developmental disabilities are fascinated with animated TV characters. A study conducted in the UK found autistic children were far more fascinated with the characters from Thomas the Tank Engine than with other fictional characters.

Picking up on this finding, Autism Spectrum Australia (ASPECT) a non-profit that provides services to people with this development disorder has designed a Thomas The Tank Engine Emotions Game specifically aimed at autistic kids.

The game asks players to recognize which engine has a sad, happy or angry face. Each time the child plays they are presented with a different sequence of emotions. It can also be played to test a child's memory.

Here's the link to play the game:
https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/a2i4i9l435l483/interactive-games.htm
Posted by Pam Dyson, MA, PLPC

Daily Reflection

2009-07-18T12:43:00.002-05:00

Children really do have the ability to be motivated and to be obedient from an internal place---a place deep within themselves. The world tells us differently. The world tells us that it takes external rewards and consequences to motivate children or to 'make' children behave.

Reconsider that true obedience and authentic motivation exists within each of us. It can only be discovered when the external environment offers love and understanding unconditionally. Otherwise it hides inside us, afraid to be uncovered due to the environment not feeling safe enough to be exposed.

Learn strategies on how to create that safe environment for your children by attending the seminar The Perfect Fit: Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style. The seminar will take place on July 30th from 6-9 pm. The seminar is located at 11135 Olive Blvd. St. Louis, MO 63141.

DAILY REFLECTION

2009-07-17T08:16:00.001-05:00

When you seek to change your child, you must look within yourself first to see what it is in you that needs to be changed. Healing through relationships is a reciprocal process and you, as the parent, need to take the lead in spearheading the movement.

WORKING MOMS NEED SUPPORT

2009-07-15T13:49:00.001-05:00

Support Your Local Mom

Close to half of all married women with infants are employed, yet it is still typically the mother who assumes primary responsibility for baby's care. For some working moms, juggling career and family runs smoothly; others don't fare quite as well.

It's not the actual burden of child care that determines working moms' distress, contends a University of California at San Francisco researcher. While bearing the brunt of responsibility does have a negative effect, two other factors also come into play -- and they are closely related:

o Regardless of the actual division of child care, it is extremely important for a mother to be able to count on enlisting her husband's help should she need him.

o The knowledge of such support increases mom's perceived capability to juggle work and baby care -- improving her outlook and reducing overall stress.

Elizabeth Ozer studied 42 married women from the last month of their pregnancy to one month after they returned to work (usually within three months after giving birth). By measuring the moms' degree of child care responsibility, how confident they felt in combining the demands of work and home, psychological distress and well-being, Ozer found that a woman's belief in her ability to manage multiple roles contributes significantly to her overall satisfaction.

And who has the greatest influence on that belief? None other than daddy. Whether or not mommies believed that their jobs or even their friends were flexible enough to help out in a crisis, dads' willingness to help out (if mom gets stuck in a meeting, for instance) greatly influenced their well-being regardless of whether she actually uses his help. Conversely, if dad's attitude toward baby care stinks, the time he puts in doesn't matter; mom still feels extra stressed.

The bottom line? Happy working moms need supportive dads.

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Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/22611

Devoted Dad-Key To Reducing Teen Risky Sex

2009-07-11T20:02:00.004-05:00

By Linda Carroll
msnbc.com contributor
updated 7:10 a.m. CT, Fri., June 5, 2009

When it comes to preventing risky teen sex, there may be no better deterrent than a doting dad.

Teenagers whose fathers are more involved in their lives are less likely to engage in risky sexual activities such as unprotected intercourse, according to a new study.

The more attentive the dad — and the more he knows about his teenage child's friends — the bigger the impact on the teen's sexual behavior, the researchers found. While an involved mother can also help stave off a teen’s sexual activity, dads have twice the influence.

*for more information go to...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31086977/from/ET/*

TESTIMONIAL FROM THE PERFECT FIT SEMINAR

2009-07-10T14:37:00.002-05:00

"I learned a lot. Just the fact that I was sitting in a room with others that were experiencing the same thing made me feel not so alone. Today I used some of the techniques and they actually WORKED, not to say I am cured, but it is a great start." (Relating To Resistant Children Seminar)

*ONLY A FEW SLOTS AVAILABLE SIGN UP NOW*

JULY 30TH FROM 6-9PM

Daily Reflection

2009-07-07T08:24:00.000-05:00

The greatest gift you can give to your children is you. Spend time with them, help them through their struggles, and love them through their behaviors.

A PARENTS PRAYER

2009-07-05T15:50:00.002-05:00

A Parent’s Prayer
By author unknown, on June 15th, 2009

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they’re stuffing down the sink,

Or who they’re with, or where they’re at
And what they’re doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)

And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!

* FOR TIPS ON HOW TO KEEP YOUR SANITY, WHEN TIMES ARE HECTIC, AND YOUR AT YOUR BREAKING POINT...COME TO THE PERFECT FIT-FINDING YOUR IDEAL PARENTING STYLE SEMINAR, TOPIC IS RELATING TO RESISTANT CHILDREN*

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2009-07-05T15:39:00.001-05:00

"A person soon learns how little he knows when a child begins to ask questions."

Richard L. Evans

Daily Reflection

2009-07-01T10:25:00.003-05:00

Parenting is not about controlling our children through consequences and directives. These are fear based parenting techniques that teach our children to be reactive out of fear. Parenting is about influencing our children through love and understanding. This teaches our children to respond out of love. Thus, true control comes through loving influence.

*Want more information on what this looks like....Come to The Perfect Fit Seminar and learn how to identify your child's love language so that you can better reach your child in a loving way verses through fear and consequences.

Daily Reflection

2009-07-01T08:11:00.003-05:00

Overwhelming amounts of stress can cause confused and distorted thinking. When in a state of heightened stress, our perception of events is viewed from a place of self-protection where all of our resources are spent on calming our own internal state of discomfort. In this state, we are closed to relationships and are prone to show blaming and controlling behaviors, thus creating more fear within ourselves and within the environment in which we live.

*Mindful parenting is key during a period of heightened stress, these techniques can be learned during our upcoming seminar The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style "Relating to Resistant Children" July 30 6-9pm, contact us and register now!*

SEX AND TECHNOLOGY

2009-06-30T14:46:00.003-05:00

5 TIPS TO HELP PARENTS TALK TO THEIR KIDS ABOUT SEX AND TECHNOLOGY:

1. TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN CYBERSPACE

2. KNOW WHO YOUR KIDS ARE COMMUNICATING WITH.

3. CONSIDER LIMITATIONS ON ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION.

4. BE AWARE OF WHAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE POSTING PUBLICLY

5. SET EXPECTATIONS

*for more information check out:
http://tinyurl.com/mjcj6x

AUTHENTIC PARENTING

2009-06-28T14:53:00.002-05:00

Authentic Parenting
By Maureen Healy

Created Dec 19 2008 - 12:46pm
Were your parents the perfect example of what not to do? Did they use a wooden paddle? Or say "because I said so" in response to your insatiable curiosity. Were you sent to your room repeatedly? Or told you couldn't do it? Was childhood something to survive versus thrive in? Surely, I met a paddle or two and have evolved beyond that paradigm. So have you. Our imperfect parents were perfect in revealing to us some less than optimum child-rearing methods. And just perhaps they were doing the best they could with the resources they had in those moments (i.e. emotional, mental, spiritual and financial).

The authentic shift

Parenting today is an emotionally integrated program. Gone are the days of solely seeking to control your child (i.e. sitting quietly at the table, do homework). It's a shift towards encouraging, empowering and developing skills of emotional health in your child (i.e. courage, confidence, compassion, character and self-regulation). We have arrived at a new evolutionary place in parenting. It's a style where most parents wish to be their genuine imperfect selves openly - its authentic parenting.

For example, Tina came home from a hugely busy day at the publishing house to a great big mess. Her knee jerk reaction kicked in and she screamed at her 4 year-old Tommy. It felt terrible. She knew her behavior wasn't appropriate. Tina kneeled down and told Tommy "I am sorry - Mommy wasn't very skillful in her behavior. It's not your fault" and he hugged her. Tommy then looked up wide-eyed and said "Mom, I love you. I understand." This simple act is profound.

Such acts plant seeds of honesty, open communication and emotional fuel to empower a child's truth. Children are constantly learning what their emotions are, how to feel them, what to do with them and if it's okay to express them in this emotionally turbulent world. Parenting with authenticity has potency. It is the first step in guiding a child to be courageously true to themselves and others. It is encouraging their emotional expansion for the benefit of all.

Like water

Children need genuine connections like plants need water. It is a must. In order for a child to healthfully develop into his or her best self there needs to be a place in their life where they feel safe, honest, open, trusted and valued. School may not be that place. Sometimes learning centers have very narrow views of intelligence, talent and creative freedom to express your true self. I certainly never understood learning sex education from catholic school nuns in 5th grade - it didn't make sense to me. Educational systems often have many of these paradoxes alive and well.

"Children learn to smile from their parents" stated Suzuki who introduced millions to his Suzuki method. I believe this to be true. Being a model of emotional health is powerful parenting. Not perfection but emotional honesty. It is what children need so desperately. Imprinting is not exclusive to the animal kingdom. Children are always observing how you feel anger, joy, frustration, contentment, success and express it in the world.

Recently, a famous research scientist credited his mother's parenting style for his modern day success. At age 2, he went over to the refrigerator got his bottle, let it slip from his hands and spilled the milk literally all over the floor. Mom came over with an even tempered response stating "What a wonderful mess! Want to play in it?" So he played and played. Upon finishing his mother then said "Well, that was a failed experiment - shall we try again outside with a new bottle?" A seed was planted within him that mistakes are the stepping stones of victory. Also, a skill of great emotional health.

Charting your course

Are you the master of your own emotional ship? Or do you get swayed by the constant influx of negative and afflictive states (i.e. anger, frustration, jealousy, sadness)? Are you proactive to create positive life conditions? Or seem to just be constantly reacting to one negative event after another? And perhaps you are somewhere in the middle. You have learned how to mostly regulate negative emotions, manage stress, foster positive feelings and pave a path of emotional well-being.

Mindfully creating an authentic parenting and personal style that fosters the best from you and others is a process. Keep at it. This work is extraordinary. It is your legacy. Through learning to use your emotional rudder well you simultaneously teach this power to your children (and their children and so on).

And remember

"To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition" is one of the most notable definitions of success as stated by Emerson.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/2743

BE CERTAIN TO SIGN UP FOR THE PERFECT FIT-FINDING YOUR IDEAL PARENTING STYLE "RELATING TO RESISTANT CHILDREN" WWW.SARAKHOFFSTOT.COM

THE PERFECT FIT-FINDING YOUR IDEAL PARENTING STYLE SEMINAR

2009-06-23T19:54:00.003-05:00

THE PERFECT FIT-FINDING YOUR IDEAL PARENTING STYLE SEMINAR:

RELATING TO YOUR RESISTANT CHILD

Parent/Child Personality Development and Empowerment:

Establish communication and conflict resolution techniques by identifying parent and child personality traits and love languages.

Mindful Parenting:

Learn strategies to reduce your personal stress levels in order to discipline your child in a positive loving way.

Relating to Resistant Children:

Learn about the psychology of control to help understand resistant children.

http://tinyurl.com/m8v636

http://perfectfitparenting.blogspot.com/

*ALL THREE TOPICS ARE ON ONE NIGHT 7/30/09 FROM 6-9PM

*CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, MELISSA KINSER WILL BE THE GUEST SPEAKER OF THE NIGHT

*STUDENT DISCOUNT

*ASK ABOUT OUR TRAVELING SEMINAR FEATURE

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LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS

2009-06-23T19:44:00.002-05:00

Letting Go of Expectations: A Lesson in Mindful Parenting
By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.
Created Jun 16 2009 - 8:41am

Recently, I received an e-mail from my son's daycare program concerning his start of school in the fall. The program director, a wonderfully compassionate and enthusiastic person, knits blankets for all of the incoming children. She uses a design that is personally meaningful to each child in order to help him or her adjust better to the school (and make nap time more fun). So, she asked a simple question, "What does your child want on his blanket?"

Almost instantly, the responses from parents started flowing in to the listserv.

"Aiden would like a cowboy with a sword riding a blue dinosaur."
"Emma loves her cat, Sparkles, and princesses. So, please design a blanket with Sparkles wearing a crown. Here's a jpeg of Sparkles."
"Toshi adores Van Gogh and Monet (not Manet). Perhaps you could do a rendition of ‘Starry Night' or the ‘Haystack' series?"

I was amazed by the sophistication and specificity of people's answers. "Well, I'm sure that my son, E., will have a very intelligent and cool answer, too." I thought to myself. I approached him confidently.

Me: "Next year, when you go to school, there will be a special blanket for you, E. What picture do you want on your blanket?"

E.: "Apple juice!"

Me: "No, on your blanket, what picture do you want?"

E.: "E. jump on bed!"

Hmm...this clearly was not working. And, my mind fill concernedly with thoughts about my son's ability to think and focus relative to his peers. "How come all the other kids get it, and my son can't?!" I wondered. (Parenthood, as I've discovered, is rife with the temptation to compare our children to others. Indeed, the whole parenting culture--at least in NYC--seems to perpetuate it, almost from birth. I almost expected the doctor who delivered our latest son, R., to declare, "Your son is a healthy 8 pounds even. My son was 8 pounds, 4 ounces." As you might know, it's not just comparison, but a hint of competition as well...)

So, I decided to try again later. "He's not articulating his blanket preference because he's hyper-focused on something else right now." I concluded. "This, unfortunately, is one of the drawbacks of his laser-beam-like attention." I thought smugly. Not surprisingly, this feeding of my ego helped me feel better over the short-term. And yes, I am equating my ego with my son--what's it to you?! (smile)

I tried again later. I sat him down on the couch and talked to him man-to-man, or rather man-to-boy (I don't want him to grow-up too early!). "E., this fall, you'll be going to school. At school, you'll get a special blanket which will have a picture on it. What picture do you want on your blanket?" He paused, reflected for a moment, and decided, "Daddy, play trains!" I persisted, "No, I mean on your blanket..." "E. go downstairs. No shoes!" he replied.

As you can see, I had little choice but to conclude that E. cannot grasp the concept of "a blanket in the future". He also displayed a disturbing penchant for ending his sentences with exclamation points. "What's wrong with him?! Is he delayed in some way?" I thought nervously. I tried to muster some confidence in his responses by putting them in a Buddhist perspective. "Well, perhaps he's embodying the ephemeral nature as reflected by his changing desires. Or, he might be taking the role of a Zen master posing koans. That's very wise of him." I though. These attempts to bolster my ego by elevating my son's karmic status were not very effective, though.

Ultimately, I gave-up trying to elicit a sophisticated blanket theme from him. Instead, I simply made a decision based on how I understand his preferences and interests. It was nothing too exotic, and even mundane. And, it's taken me a little while to come to accept it.

Fortunately, I learned a few things from this experience. First, parenting can be a quite a fruitful area for informal mindfulness practice. At a conference recently, Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn described parenting as an "18 year retreat." They noted how kids "push our buttons", which can prompt us to react negatively. As Myla stated, "Sometimes, we don't live love. We live fear and anxiety and the thoughts that take over us." In this instance, I started to feel anxious about my son's unhelpful replies and became lost in my own reactions. By seeing this cirumstance as problematic and trying to fix it, I unfortunately missed out on some fun play time.

Second, as parents, we need to see our children for whom they really are, not who we imagine, expect, or want them to be. The Kabat-Zinns refer to this as respecting the "sovereignty" of our children, or allowing E. to be E. in this instance. Now, this doesn't mean letting them do everything that they want: we need to set appropriate limits and boundaries out of love, clarity, and an empathic understanding of our children. Rather, it means tuning into their experiences and preferences unfettered by our own judgments.

Finally, parenting is a reminder to "stop identifying with personal pronouns," as stated by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Thinking of family members as my son, my cat, my family, my wife, etc. intensifies my own ego, and causes emotional turmoil when they aren't behaving in the way that I want. By not attaching my self to their behavior, I am more open to understand and accept their experiences. Also, I am less likely to view other parents and children in ways that are comparative and competitive.

All in all, applying mindfulness to parenting can be quite an enriching, enlightening, and humbling experience. It doesn't take much more time to be mindful, and it helps us embody what we seek to practice in our personal lives (both on and off the cushion). When we're mind-less as parents, we can act in ways that are unhelpful or even harmful. Through awareness, empathy, acceptance, and compassion, we can pave the way to develop what Myla Kabat-Zinn calls "heartfulness."

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Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/29971

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2009-06-21T19:31:00.004-05:00

"The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children"

King Edward VIII

Daily Reflection

2009-06-21T16:12:00.002-05:00

"Act your age, not your shoe size!" I can still hear my mother echo that sentiment to me like it was yesterday. But what does that saying truly mean? When a child is not acting their age, this means that they are overly stressed and have reverted back to a developmental zone of comfort (an earlier time in their life when they felt safe.) We are not linear beings and we do not travel a linear time path in forward motion. We have the ability to 'time travel' as emotional beings, oscillating between the past and the present ( and the future) in any given second.

As parents, when our children are acting their shoe size instead of their age, they need us to meet them at their emotional age. They need us to be present with them for that very moment. When we are able to do this with them and join them, they can then have the safety and security to shift back to their chronological age. Forcing this movement through verbal statements only feeds their fear and does not bring the children back to the present in a regulated state. It in fact does the opposite, it forces the child to stay in the state that they are currently in or it forces them to move back even further. The best way to reach your child is to approach them in a regulated state yourself and then respond to them based on their emotional age versus their chronlogical age. Through your love, understanding, and patience eventually your child will feel safe and regulated enough to join you in the present.

Helping your child move back into a regulated state is nearly impossible if the parent is coming from an unregulated state themselves. Parents can become more mindful by walking away and using self talk to allow themselves to calm down before attempting to calm their child who is acting their emotional age versus their chronological age. If you would like to learn more stratagies on how to be a mindful parent check out our Perfect Fit Seminar: Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style coming July 30th from 6-9 at 11135 Olive Blvd. St. Louis, MO 63141.

PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION

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When young people feel unconnected to home, family, and school, they may become involved in activities that put their health and well-being at risk. However, when parents affirm the value of their children, young people more often develop positive, healthy attitudes about themselves. Although most adults want young people to know about abstinence, contraception, and how to prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), parents often have difficulty communicating about sexuality. Nevertheless, communicating about sexuality is important—positive communication between parents and their children greatly helps young people to establish individual values and to make healthy decisions.

Read on for more information...http://tinyurl.com/ltuqx8

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

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"Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."

Chuck Palahniuk

Practice These Cognitive Changes

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1. I know that I'm not a bad parent if I don't arrange my life to be available to chauffeur the children every day until they're adults.
2. I'm allowed to say no to requests that keep me from having time to pursue my life purpose. 3. There's no such thing as "a place for everything and everything in its place."
4. There's no right way to do anything.
5. I can have it my way because there are no absolute universal rules.

Motherhood-Making Us Smarter!

2009-06-08T22:54:00.000-05:00

New Mom Ph.D.How motherhood makes women smarter and more mentally agile.
By: Jennifer Drapkin

Tired, overwhelmed women often feel as if having a baby causes their minds to turn to mush. Not so. In her book, The Mommy Brain, Katherine Ellison cites research showing motherhood makes women smarter and more mentally agile.

There is no more challenging time in a woman's life than when she has a baby, says Ellison, and human evolution has ensured that she is well equipped to handle it. Alert, efficient and empathetic, a mother's mind is designed to make the species survive.

Although some of the benefits, such as heightened sensory awareness, seem to last only as long as it takes the baby to grow up, others may be lifelong. According to Ellison, the mental dexterity that mothers gain from raising their kids may translate permanently into greater empathy and assertiveness.

The New, Improved Mommy Brain:
A combination of motivation, practice and hormones gives mothers intellectual strengths they may have never had before.

Mom's new traits, why she's different, and what's happening:
Face Reading -Mothers of toddlers are better at reading facial expressions than women who don't have children. Mothers develop attention to tiny changes in expression and body language in their kids, actually expanding the brain's circuits related to empathy.

Multitasking- Mother rats can simultaneously solve mazes and find food much more quickly than childless rats. During pregnancy and early motherhood, the brain is bathed in estrogen, which increases connections in the cerebral cortex that deal with attention and complex tasks.

Serenity- Three to six months after delivery, breastfeeding mothers are less tense, less edgy and less bored. Mothers experience greater sensitivity to the hormone oxytocin, what anthropologist Sarah Hrdy calls "the endocrinological equivalent of candlelight, soft music and a glass of wine."

Fearlessness -Rat moms will venture into broad daylight; human moms will swim across the Rio Grande. Elevated levels of prolactin, the "parenting" hormone, makes mothers willing to risk their lives for their babies.

Psychology Today Magazine, May/Jun 2005Last Reviewed 3 Jun 2009Article ID: 3769

Daily Reflection

2009-06-07T13:22:00.002-05:00

The most important 'nutrients' our children need are unconditional love, acceptance, and validation. The daily grind of getting out of the house on time, finishing up homework, and getting to bed at a decent hour, can put us in a place of giving conditional love, rejection, and invalidation. It is at this point that we have lost everything.

*remembering that if your child's love language is quality time, making certain that you are giving them their quality time, is of upmost importance*

WORMS

2009-06-06T12:44:00.002-05:00

little boys and their worms...my son has been trying to convince me most of the day that there are "inside worms and they like to be inside" while strategically placing them on our laundry room floor...do all little boys love worms?

Daily Reflection

2009-06-05T13:25:00.003-05:00

When 'in the moment' with your child, your child is in his right brain. He is emotional and he is unable to access his cognitive and rational thinking (i.e., his left brain.) Asking him to tell you 'why' he is acting in this way is non-productive. Asking him to make a 'choice' is impossible. And asking him to 'stop' is against nature. Allow yourself to join your child in his dysregulated emotional place. Let the rational thought and the life lesson follow later when he is calm and more receptive. Join him in love and allow him the space to be all he knows how to be for that very moment.

*remember this situation is speaking when the child is at the his highest point in escalation. if you took the Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style, "relating to resistant children" seminar you would have given him the two choices before this point.*

April 13 Seminar: The Perfect Fit - Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style

2009-04-10T10:16:00.004-05:00

Due to our wonderful response to our seminar series we added another section to accommodate the individuals on our waiting list.

On April 13th we are going to present all three topics and have a clinical psychologist, Melissa Kinser, speaking on assessment. The seminar will take place at Creve Coeur Counseling Associates from 6-9.

The topics being presented are:

Parent/Child Personality Development and Empowerment: Establish communication and conflict resolution techniques by identifying parent and child personality traits and love languages.
Mindful Parenting: Learn strategies to reduce your personal stress levels in order to discipline your child in a positive loving way.
Relating to Resistant Children: Learn about the psychology of control to help understand resistant children.

*LIGHT SNACK AND INDIVIDUAL SESSION SCHEDULED OUT OF SEMINAR INCLUDED

*ONLY A FEW MORE SLOTS AVAILABLE

*ASK ABOUT OUR TRAVELING SEMINARS, WHERE WE COME TO YOU

*ACCEPTING ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS

*ASK ABOUT RENTING OUR COST EFFECTICE BEAUTIFUL SEMINAR SPACE

For more information email Sara at sarahoffstot@yahoo.com or call 618-741-8543

2009-04-10T10:06:00.000-05:00